Do or Die💔

Have you ever gotten to a point in your life..you literally beg God to take you..

Your life gets so dark, that death feels safer and more peaceful

That in your list of pros and cons; death wins, this is when you know you’ve literally hit rock bottom,

The last three months have been this for me,.,a few of my friends probably know because of how much I vent, some probably know because I’d say thank you for making me feel safe without explaining what I mean

And tbh, writing this is kinda difficult because I hate talking about my weaknesses and feelings and also because given the culture we’ve grown in it’s going to be considered a wimp, because we Africans don’t believe in mental health, we don’t see how someone with basic needs would still be depressed, we don’t get why people get suicidal.

.it’s very ignorant, shallow and I hope we start catering to this issues because evidently corruption has become part of our culture so let’s make mankind better atleast by catering for mental health,

So for those really mentally okay, this piece isn’t for you,, for those loves losing grip of their lives then I’m here because I know what it feels like to drown , I know what it feels like to look at your wrist and try chose the vein to pop because fuck it..,

I know what it feels like to wake up and just think fuck I have to do this all over again., Get up help out with things that will go unappreciated, that you have to wake up and look at the faces of those who should be your main support system being the ones dragging you down

That the place you call home becomes the one place you can’t wait to leave, that everyday there’s a meltdown after meltdown to a point your migraine is so bad..and you kinda smile because you feel death is close

Writing this now, I have a few truths to throw around,

In the end it’s all on you to crawl out of it, because many at times the people we suffer for have no remorse and they’ll never change because they feel entitled to you, they’ll probably still be toxic and yes I’m talking about families.alot of pain lies in these blood bonds, because in as much as you want to burn the bridges for some reason you can’t.,

Because better the devils you know; right? So you stay and take the BS..wake up slave for them and let them ahit all over your efforts go to your room cry, sleep wake up with a splitting migraine, pray for death

And because ofcourse we don’t get what we want you wake up..and there comes a day you just get tired and accept that that’s it.. that’s the cycle for now and you promise yourself that once you move out you’re done,😂😂sounds more like that abusive boyfriend you keep bevause who will love you if they don’t, who will appreciate what you bring to the table if they don’t

And that’s just the thing; we sink and drown because those negative words start sinking in, I’m useless, and a headache, they’re better off without me, she would never have been a mum on top of being called slut and other demeaning words; having talked to several friends of mine..there’s usually an animosity with mums and daughters.,idk why but I hate it

Because I don’t get it, you made the choice to be a parent, so taking it out on your kids who didn’t even ask to be born is uncalled for, completely just because you have a womb doesn’t mean you always have to use it, because alot of people have brains they’re not using and the world hasn’t stopped

It was SOLELY YOUR DECISION..that child didn’t ask for it…if we’re wrong correct us in a good manner don’t go hurling insults..because all you’ll get from that kid is resentment and then you’ll get mad again when really it’s all on you..,

Having gone through all this…tbh I look forward to feeding hens and playing with my puppies more than I do spending time with family., It’s sad and it hurts but sometimes letting some boats sail.is easier than trying to bring it back to shore

I love my family..and I care for them but sometimes we just have to love from a distance, because really it’s safer and a little more peaceful..the less the interaction the less the yelling the less the bonding the more at peace I am

I have a lot of healing to do, we all do but for now let’s just survive this, lets get through one day at a time., Animals are therapeutic tbh..so try it..and you’ll see … you’ll love animals more than people😂😂meditate , practice positive thoughts and yes I know it’s easier said than done ofcourse but one day at a time..and I can’t wait for us to break these chains holding us down