Does it ever go away, will there be a shift, to more happy days will my eyes get a rest from all the tears , will my heart ever be at ease., A break from all the migraines of just trying to figure it out
Will I start a day and end it on the same high vibrations if not more.,without the darkness creeping up on me
The doubt, the self loathe, the agony, the uncertainty, the darkness..,will these ever really go away..or will they be back at some point
A saving grace, I need to find myself again, I’ve been too lost, I can hardly remember who I was, I’ve been so deep in the dark..the hope of light just feels far too gone
Things I wish someone told me;, that things will get tough, that there will be a time, you’ll cry to sleep, that on some days your will to live will be so far gone, you’d trade your life for basically anything just to put a stop to it, that there will be days you’ll sleep all day and still wake up exhausted, that I’ll have all the basic needs but I’ll still be sad., unfulfilled
That good papers will hardly do anything, that I’d need more, I’d need to be more..,do more., That this phase would come, feeling stuck and lost..and that it’s a phase to rediscover myself
But what does that even mean? when I can hardly remember who I was.,what I’m good at, when I’m drained almost all the time just trying to think about it.,too tired to even start, that I’m still wallowing in the mud., drowning Everytime I try, that in all this it’s still up to me to figure my shit out., While still taking care of everyone else
That I have to keep bringing light to others when I’m in the darkest pits,that I can still love others when I can’t even love myself on most days., Tbh I prefer this version,helping others because my life is too much of a puzzle to even start with.,problem with this though..,is that as soon as they figure their shit out they’re gone.,to make life better for themselves, which is only given because being in their shoes I’d do the same..I’d walk so fast from this darkness because it eats you alive.,drains your soul
I’m I okay? Obviously not..do I wanna talk about ? Heck no..,will things get better? They better fucking do.., so I’mma just fake the happiness till I make it because that’s really the most I can do with myself, can we go back to talking about your lives instead? Please yesss
The first step is the hardest right?
xoxo.code.blog 