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Manze joh, life imekuwa hard and all this while kuna 2B unapotea daily, or rather wanasunda daily.,tax payer analala njaa, law maker analala dubai

Wasee wamefunga mabizz..,wakubwa wako benchmarking Swizz.,

Depression, suicides on the rise, leaders incompetence shining bright, Alafu sasa wamerudi uwanja na the same false promises, wanafikiria tumesahau ni hao hao tu wanaiba. Ni hao hao tu wanatunyanyasa, maslahi yao wanajali, sisi tumewachiwa dunia na Maulana, it’s now that they are concerned about unemployment, high taxes, hadi kwa vitu basic kama mtandao,

Yaani wanatufuata na all avenues, wakipocket all revenues, alafu wakuje na manifesto ya kusema ati tukiwachagua watatoa taxes za data na airtime na taxes zingine wameongeza, wataimprove businesses, as if you didn’t have the power to stop it in the first place, as if sio nyinyi mlikaa mkapitisha miswada, so how now are you acting concerned, why should we care, tunawafaa tuwashushe ata wao wajue maisha ni ngumu, from grace to grass, VVIP to just a P, exclusive to wanjiku.,

Demons turn angels, mnataka kujifanya sasa ni kama you’re not the predators, we have always been hunted just different predators., I just hope sisi kama prey tutachange food chain., By chosing better, let the demons know we know, No amout of sheep wool will cover your sly asses,

So how now, are we supposed to trust that you’ll stop being predators, that we are safe, that for once Wanjiku will see the fruits of her work, our children will pursue an education that actually opens doors, lakini mliamua tusome na nyinyi milango mfunge, education ilikuwa ifungue milango gani, juu odd jobs na side hustle ndio tunalishia watoi na kukeep landlords at bay, atleast for as long as we can, ama Maulana akiamua ijipe inajipa., Meanwhile wako palatial homes with what cashmere fashion is being released being their biggest worry, watoi wao wakichange residence from new York to Sydney wengine wakipewa international posts kila mahali., Wako kwa payslip but hawajawai sign in Jara😂😂 aah wasee tulijicheza, kamwana ametubeba Wana, lakini we deserve it, tumeona ii cycle mara ngapi, tufunguke.,tuwashushe

The sanity of a nation is measured by the quality of it’s leaders., 😂And tbh if this is the gauge we’re going with sisi tulifyat na wanajua ndio maana wanatumia the most essential things to control us, poverty, health, and hunger, because we all know, hungry people are loyal to the master with food, sick people will go with what feels healthy or atleast promises some health, mlifikiria waliiba za nhif kwa nini? 😂😂 And last poverty, ndio watokee na rwabe waone ni kama wamekusaidia sana..iyo rwabe itakulisha siku ngapi? Italipa madeni ngapi? Mstahiki Meya haikuwa kitabu aiseh ni sisi ni saa izi, izi mswara ni awa wakubwa

Meanwhile they stand to gain with a stable economy juu taxes hazitakuwa issues watu watakuwa na makazi na wafungue mabiashara, contributing to the economy, they will invest in tourism trade agriculture, if this isnt a florishing nation idk what is, invest in local industries, natural resources, and see us boom, but noo, tuibie wananchi, is the slogan, tumechoka kuibiwa,. #Wanjiku ametosheka

So many at times we act from our dark points., Our shadow, the side that we don’t talk about, the side that goes rogue, the chapters we close and dread to revisit

But real growth happens when we actually face it., Have a pow wow with your shadow., Accept when you act from it, call yourself out., That’s how you get conscious., But I kinda get why escaping this shadow is easier for most people, because it requires breaking in so many ways., It requires utter honesty with your ego, to know when you’re acting from self and from spirit,

To accept that you’re weak, trying to figure it out..and that most at times we take offense in things not because they were meant to be offensive but because they’ve triggered a part of us that’s too scorned and too hurt and too dark to face. Because in that moment so many things come back, to see if you’re better, or worse, to test how
much you’ll crack, and for some reason we’re tested more when we try to outgrow some things.,

I should know, the last 13 mths have been a torment on so many levels, I have grown from so many things, others not so much,unfucking yourself is a process because you have to grieve the versions of you that allowed some of the fuckery, it involves alot of forgiveness especially forgiving yourself and others , it involves making promises to self and fulfilling some while breaking some, Because it’s human nature to go with what is familiar, we are scared shit less when it comes to trying new things., I’m still so proud of the process I’m making, the little wins the big wins.., the LS come with some lessons too
And weirdly just because you’re trying to be better doesn’t mean the world will kumbaya in joy and give you everything you want

The one constant, is you pick yourself up..it’s all you, you let it in, you choose, again choices and consequences, and remember some are very costly, anything that involves losing yourself is too big a price to pay, because finding yourself again is a trip. A great wall of china trip 😂 . You get so dark so lost, you feel utterly hopeless and then one day you feel like you can fight, and the days start getting better eventually with time and experience with the bad days, you handle yourself with grace and gentleness, like fragile heart you are,

As we fight through the tough days, laugh through the best days, show up for ourselves on all days.

I’m celebrating my growth even in my tears and so should you, because you deserve it, and we will catch a break, and bliss , and more so then will we show up for ourselves more, because we did it in the darkness, solitude, pain,

Yin yan
Check and balance., Born champs hatuwezi lose
NO🧢

Love yourself, you’re all you got

. ❤️ I love you all🐾🍀

Everyone talks about how empowering going through some journeys alone is empowering., No one talks about how much of a mind fuck it can be, or just how you really need someone when you’re falling apart. Or how hard you’re trying to walk away from the old versions of you. How grieving who you used to be, opens up so many wounds, breaks you apart, sets you back, gets you going again. And the hardest truth is. It’s a continuous process that ends when we die. N

No one talks about how distraught it is when you’re the one whose stuck, pretty much falling through the cracks, when everyone else star is shining, when everyone else is finding the perfect job, the perfect partner, the amazing memories.when you’re just trying to wake up and get through the day, and onthe worst of days when you’re trying to ofind reasons to stay alive. But then you pick yourself and just when you thought.,haha it all
comes crushing again

Or how you have to let people go because they now feel different. With all the it’s not you., But you can’t help but think, why isn’t it me, why I’m I not enough, why do I get to be the one who has to leave. Or just how breaking it is for you when they’re moving on so easy while you keep looking for them in everyone you find or worse when it’s them you still want. Haha life’s a bitch

Or even just how hard you feel it’ll be for you to let anyone in.because Everytime you do..they leave for someone else, Everytime you try, you’re the stepping stone, because Everytime you heal, you get broken again and have to heal all over again. No one talks about how hard fighting the demons in your head can get. That in this moment of utter solitude when all you have is yourself., You break so many times you
eventually just become tough.

That as you wait for your light at the end of the tunnel..the darkness seems to grow deeper. That the happy memories are now memories you want to forget, that in so many occasions you’ll see them in so many things and then remember they’re off with someone else, when all you want is to unfuck yourself and forget all the pain .,when tears become more frequent than the smiles all I can hope for is that the universe will give us unicorns to make up for all the sadness we’ve endured. Some light for all the darkness, and beautiful mornings for all the mornings we didn’t want to be a part of, amazing memories that we won’t have tow all away from this time, and those lucky enough, that we may find people who always chose us, that even when they get to encounter different place and people that we will be their home,

I’m sinking and fast, it’s dark
Really dark,

It’s a darkness I haven’t felt before, it’s stronger, it’s grip on me is never ceasing

I thought I was past this, stronger than this, I thought it’d be as easy as it was before, but this time I’m done trying and fighting

I’ll let myself sink, it’s probably for the best, the world needs more light and I’m too deep in the darkness,I’m watching the world taking care of everyone but me

Mornings bring me immense sorrow, waking up to do it all over again , to be strong to fight to be hopeful only to fall apart in the end and wish for death

I want it all to stop, everything the mornings, the trying, the tears, being hopeful for a better tomorrow only to wake up to a worse yesterday

I’ve tried for so long, too long, I hoped I was one of the good ones that deserve good things but maybe I’m one of the souls doomed to darkness, I prayed for favor , I got scorn

I prayed for healing only to break worse, I prayed for new beginnings only to be haunted by the past, I prayed for the joy of life., And now I can’t stop thinking of the peace of death. To not wake up, to not feel anything Is all I want. Because it’s TOO much, it’s waay too much, it hurts so deep, my eyes are tired of crying

My voice is tired of crying out for sth that probably doesn’t exist and I it does..I’m just not worthy enough for it’s presence. I’m happy tho I made so many people happy, and I know they’ll be okay because they have so many other people anyway.Ill do the world and mysel

I’ll do the world 🌍 and myself the favor and just leave. I’ve served my time, I’ve paid my dues, and now it’s a wrap. I hope all the dreams i had for my fav people will actualize. I’ll watch over y’all I promise that much, I’m sorry I was weak, that I chose to quit but if only you knew how much I fought then you’d probably feel differently . I TRIED, I really DID.

https://www.spreaker.com/episode/44912141

https://www.spreaker.com/episode/44606208

https://www.spreaker.com/episode/44606172

https://www.spreaker.com/episode/44576416

https://www.spreaker.com/episode/44575167

I had to start with something catchy so you’d listen😂ik,*you thought so* hey there😊😊

Soo.., you see the times you get to have an epiphany and just realize you need to get off the high horse, these times don’t happen alot but when they do, they’re life changing

I had mine a few days ago, I acted on an impulse I probably shouldn’t have or I maybe should have done much better esp with my reaction. So I was mad/hurt/ in my feels that I took it all out someone I shouldn’t have

And I used the one thing they trusted me with to make a point and I immediately felt so bad because they’re like and trusting people with out darkness is sth we don’t do, and they did with theirs, and I turned out to be exactly what they were afraid of

Did I mean it? Fuck no, not In my wildest dreams, because I always thought/ wanted to be their safe space but in a moment of rage/ weakness/ hurt/ pain/trauma I did it , I probably pushed away the person I always thought would be in my life, can I take it back? No. Do I wish I can? Fuck yes

Building trust takes time and even more trust, breaking trust takes an impulse, and I chose the losing side. I always thought I was better at this, by this I mean people, and turns out I’m actually not as good,

But when you live most of your life in survival mode, everything feels like an attack, and you act in retaliation, and it’s after that you realize you probably burnt a bridge you didn’t mean to..hahaha ikr, you didn’t mean yo ..,issue is they probably think you did and in as much your apology is sincere., Some things just don’t go away because you’re sorry

They need time to know if they can trust you again and being on this side it’s hell..and being on the other side where I’m the cause it’s even a bigger hell, so some mistakes you’d rather learn from.other people, because they’ll cost you too much learning from.your own damn self

I realized I was acting in the chapters in my life is still can never talk about, probably will never because they mean I’ll have to relive them and tbh I’d rather have a gun to my head if that’s the case, but when you don’t sit and address your darkness you act on it even when you don’t realize it

And it’s after I met someone who accepts their darkness and their demons, so much that I realized it takes alot, to just acknowledge them being someone who acts like I don’t have a past, because acknowledging one just means a whole painc attack + meltdown well we tend to just act like life’s okay

And that doesn’t really give us the right to get on a self righteous horse and judge everyone else..if anything they’re better than us because they accept their darkness whole we try to act like we don’t but it’s because it’s too painful.and too dark to relive

So the next time you want to go off on someone, it’s probably because it’s someone of shit you resonate with and nothing to do with them, so be kind
Tbh , anytime you want to unleash your demons anyone, be kind take a look on the mirror and just remember all kindness you needed., And be that.. because being mean won’t get you anywhere, hurting others because you’re hurting leaves everyone bitter get it from me,

At this point, I wish I was kinder, I wish I was what someone else needed., When I was in such pain, but I wasn’t

I will be tho, everyday I will try to better, even when i don’t get it I’ll ask because everyone is fighting demons we don’t know and you know what ; be the change you want..

I for sure know I’ll try., So when you’re about to back to the version you’re trying to walk away from, just look at the mirror and really question so many things based off your own experience, and you’ll find the kidness you need.